This is what most of us have heard from stories and even movies, but rarely do we see or hear in the stories/movies the part that explains how they lived happily ever after. Dr. Gary Chapman's book about the 5 love languages is an exceptional way to explain how we speak love differently and explains how we can make love last in our relationships. Knowing your own love language and knowing your partner's love language helps you understand one another better. More importantly, knowing your partner's love language allows you to better speak it.
Have you ever wondered why giving your partner elaborate gifts dazzled him/her in that moment, but she/he would still later express that they did not feel loved enough? Receiving gifts is one of the love languages, but it may not be your partner's primary language. This means the gift was valued, but it did not fill your partner's "love tank", as Dr. Chapman calls it in his book. Filling your partner's love tank is a part of keeping the love alive in a relationship. Think of the love tank as a bank. If you don't put money in your bank account, there's not much to draw from when you need it. So when our love tank is full, we are less likely to feel that emptiness. After taking the love language quiz, you should have an idea of your partner's and your own love languages. When you know, figure out ways to express love in your partner's language. For example, if your partner's love language is acts of service, then you could do a few extra chores for him/her. If their love language is physical touch, then you can hold their hand when you're together or give them a massage after a long day. If their love language is words of affirmation, then write them a love letter or praise them for something they've done.
So all of this may sound like a lot of work right? I have two answers to that. Firstly, duh! Of course a long lasting relationship takes work. But isn't your partner worth it? If they aren't, then that's another discussion for later. Secondly, when you truly have a loving relationship, the "work" will not feel like work at all.
If you have not taken it yet, here is a link to a brief version of the love language quiz:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/Quiz/The-5-Love-Languages-Quiz.aspx?QID=906510f6-c610-402e-b547-b28a81e27914
Have you ever wondered why giving your partner elaborate gifts dazzled him/her in that moment, but she/he would still later express that they did not feel loved enough? Receiving gifts is one of the love languages, but it may not be your partner's primary language. This means the gift was valued, but it did not fill your partner's "love tank", as Dr. Chapman calls it in his book. Filling your partner's love tank is a part of keeping the love alive in a relationship. Think of the love tank as a bank. If you don't put money in your bank account, there's not much to draw from when you need it. So when our love tank is full, we are less likely to feel that emptiness. After taking the love language quiz, you should have an idea of your partner's and your own love languages. When you know, figure out ways to express love in your partner's language. For example, if your partner's love language is acts of service, then you could do a few extra chores for him/her. If their love language is physical touch, then you can hold their hand when you're together or give them a massage after a long day. If their love language is words of affirmation, then write them a love letter or praise them for something they've done.
So all of this may sound like a lot of work right? I have two answers to that. Firstly, duh! Of course a long lasting relationship takes work. But isn't your partner worth it? If they aren't, then that's another discussion for later. Secondly, when you truly have a loving relationship, the "work" will not feel like work at all.
If you have not taken it yet, here is a link to a brief version of the love language quiz:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/Quiz/The-5-Love-Languages-Quiz.aspx?QID=906510f6-c610-402e-b547-b28a81e27914
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