Financial stress during Christmas time is all too common these days. It is very concerning when families get into significant financial debt in order to have great "presents" for Christmas. In addition to the holiday spending, other unforeseen expenses may sometimes come up as well and contribute to the financial stress. Finding a way to cope as a couple through this straining time will take more than a balanced checkbook. 
           Firstly, it's important to understand why money is such a significant stressor for us. So let's dig in. We long for security, stability, and safety in our lives. Money gives us a sense of all of these things, so without it we feel less secure, less stable, and of course less safe. The caveat is that money does not always guarantee that we do have these things. However, the good thing is that we also can find security, stability, and safety from the relationships in our lives. When we have strong and reliable relationships with family and friends, we are also more resilient to stress and hard times. And these are things that money cannot provide for us that our relationships do.
           Now onto the coping part. Having more money is only a temporary solution to our problem, since we are likely to spend more when we have more money. It actually just takes us back to where we started. So we'll have to be creative in coping with the financial stress.   When we find that money is an issue this season, we may work on restoring our sense of security, stability, and safety by nurturing our relationships rather than trying to find/make more money to restore our bank accounts. The idea here is that we can cope best by doing things that do not cost money rather than try to get more of what causes the financial stress in the first place. 
           So if we can't afford that big screen T.V. for our partner this year, we can give the gift of an evening of relaxation instead. Sounds corny at first, but I don't recall the last time I received a back rub from my T.V., can you? If we can't afford the latest IPad for the children, we can give them a day with us doing something fun (baking, crafting, etc) uninterrupted by emails or Facebook updates.  Your children may break or even lose the toys/gadgets they get for Christmas, but they'll never lose the memory of a special experience with you. Making these holiday gifts meaningful and priceless will not only deepen our relationships, but also make us richer in love and support. 

        Admit it, you've done it before. We've all been guilty one time or another. It's not anything to be ashamed of, but quite important to acknowledge. I'm talking about comparing our relationship or partner to another relationship or person. What did you think I was referring to? It would be nice if we could wave a magic wand and change the things we find annoying or dislike about our partner. This would make life easier, right? Unfortunately, we can't do that. Fortunately, we don't need to. 
             As individuals we are not perfect, so neither are our relationships. All relationships have their ups and downs, and the quirks that make them work. Comparing our relationship to others simply fuels an "ideal" that cannot be achieved, so it doesn't improve our relationship. Rather, what this does is contribute to unrealistic beliefs that takes us further from being happy in our relationship. This is also true for ourselves. When we compare ourselves with others, we feed into an "ideal" that makes it impossible to be good enough. The truth is there will always be someone who is better than us in their looks, personality, physique, and abilities. The reality also is that there will still be something imperfect about that person. It's a reality that everyone shares.
          So what is more important is accepting the imperfections of our relationship, starting with us. When we can look at ourselves and accept our own imperfections, then we can be more open to our partner's imperfections. With this, we can be more genuine with ourselves and let go of trying to change our partner's imperfections to accommodate us. And finally, we can be happy with our relationship for its imperfections and uniqueness. That's our gift to ourselves. 
        A gift we can give our partner, when we run out of tangible gifts to give, lies within the relationship. As a relationship progresses and the more years we have with each other, the less there are tangible gifts left to give each other. Not that there's a shortage of things we can buy each other, but gifting "things" becomes less important in the relationship. What does become more meaningful are the non-tangible gifts we give each other. These are the gifts that do not have a price tag on them. They require intimate knowledge of our partner's thoughts and dreams. This time, I don't have a list or suggestions about what these gifts are simply because they are unique to your relationship. But I will encourage you to focus on finding a gift that expresses the intimacy and ingenuity of your relationship.