Admit it, you've done it before. We've all been guilty one time or another. It's not anything to be ashamed of, but quite important to acknowledge. I'm talking about comparing our relationship or partner to another relationship or person. What did you think I was referring to? It would be nice if we could wave a magic wand and change the things we find annoying or dislike about our partner. This would make life easier, right? Unfortunately, we can't do that. Fortunately, we don't need to.
As individuals we are not perfect, so neither are our relationships. All relationships have their ups and downs, and the quirks that make them work. Comparing our relationship to others simply fuels an "ideal" that cannot be achieved, so it doesn't improve our relationship. Rather, what this does is contribute to unrealistic beliefs that takes us further from being happy in our relationship. This is also true for ourselves. When we compare ourselves with others, we feed into an "ideal" that makes it impossible to be good enough. The truth is there will always be someone who is better than us in their looks, personality, physique, and abilities. The reality also is that there will still be something imperfect about that person. It's a reality that everyone shares.
So what is more important is accepting the imperfections of our relationship, starting with us. When we can look at ourselves and accept our own imperfections, then we can be more open to our partner's imperfections. With this, we can be more genuine with ourselves and let go of trying to change our partner's imperfections to accommodate us. And finally, we can be happy with our relationship for its imperfections and uniqueness. That's our gift to ourselves.
A gift we can give our partner, when we run out of tangible gifts to give, lies within the relationship. As a relationship progresses and the more years we have with each other, the less there are tangible gifts left to give each other. Not that there's a shortage of things we can buy each other, but gifting "things" becomes less important in the relationship. What does become more meaningful are the non-tangible gifts we give each other. These are the gifts that do not have a price tag on them. They require intimate knowledge of our partner's thoughts and dreams. This time, I don't have a list or suggestions about what these gifts are simply because they are unique to your relationship. But I will encourage you to focus on finding a gift that expresses the intimacy and ingenuity of your relationship.
As individuals we are not perfect, so neither are our relationships. All relationships have their ups and downs, and the quirks that make them work. Comparing our relationship to others simply fuels an "ideal" that cannot be achieved, so it doesn't improve our relationship. Rather, what this does is contribute to unrealistic beliefs that takes us further from being happy in our relationship. This is also true for ourselves. When we compare ourselves with others, we feed into an "ideal" that makes it impossible to be good enough. The truth is there will always be someone who is better than us in their looks, personality, physique, and abilities. The reality also is that there will still be something imperfect about that person. It's a reality that everyone shares.
So what is more important is accepting the imperfections of our relationship, starting with us. When we can look at ourselves and accept our own imperfections, then we can be more open to our partner's imperfections. With this, we can be more genuine with ourselves and let go of trying to change our partner's imperfections to accommodate us. And finally, we can be happy with our relationship for its imperfections and uniqueness. That's our gift to ourselves.
A gift we can give our partner, when we run out of tangible gifts to give, lies within the relationship. As a relationship progresses and the more years we have with each other, the less there are tangible gifts left to give each other. Not that there's a shortage of things we can buy each other, but gifting "things" becomes less important in the relationship. What does become more meaningful are the non-tangible gifts we give each other. These are the gifts that do not have a price tag on them. They require intimate knowledge of our partner's thoughts and dreams. This time, I don't have a list or suggestions about what these gifts are simply because they are unique to your relationship. But I will encourage you to focus on finding a gift that expresses the intimacy and ingenuity of your relationship.
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