It starts even before your little bundle of joy arrives. The moment you find out that you are expecting, your relationship takes a new direction with your partner. Your communication and problem solving skills will be put to the test and are essential skills to help you adjust on your new path. However, this also means that one of the challenges facing you will be to maintain a sense of closeness and satisfaction in your relationship. 
          For many couples, the first baby often brings on a very bumpy journey. All of your joy about having a baby does not diminish, but conflict does arise when baby comes home. There are good reasons for this. Your first baby will bring up conflicts that your relationship has not seen before and they often do not have easy answers. Having your first baby has likely changed your goals, your needs, and how you dispense your resources. And most likely, these changes do not take effect on your marriage until after baby arrives. You become flooded with brand new situations that need a decision, testing your problem solving skills. This may not leave you and your partner with very much time to make these decisions. And with every decision, there is a potential for disagreement since what you want may not be to your partner's advantage and vice versa. 
          How couples tend to resolve conflicts before baby arrives often becomes less effective when baby is here. For one thing, your stress level will be much higher (due to lack of sleep, feeling overwhelmed, etc) so your critical thinking and communication skills are not as sharp. It will also be much more difficult to compromise and empathize with your partner for this reason. However, all is not lost. Here are some dos and don'ts for life after your first baby.
          First baby Don'ts: 

• Don't take your partner head on when you're angry. This creates a tug a war situation where only one of you will have a say in the final solution, or it can drive you to different parts of the house, making the decisions on your own. Engaging in this type of pattern will only contribute to more difficulty resolving conflicts later. 
• Don't agree to something, but hold resentment. If you are not pleased with the baby arrangements (ie. babysitting, sleep schedule, lack of couple bonding time), then speak your mind about it. Agreeing to make peace, but holding resentment will only make your feel slighted and make future decisions more difficult.
• Don't underestimate the differences in your emotional needs. With baby in the picture, you and your partner's emotional needs likely have changed. Moms tend to have a stronger emotional need for family commitment now more than before, wanting her husband to step up as a father figure and participate in caring for baby. Dads tend to have a stronger emotional need to provide adequately for mom and baby, and feel admiration from mom for the role he is performing. These differences may drive your decision making and may be the cause of your constant conflict. 

          First baby Dos:

• Do keep a couple centered, rather than child-centered, relationship. Your baby demands a lot of attention and this is not temporary. Love your baby, provide, and meet their needs, but keep in mind that children thrive most when parents are also happy in their relationship.
• Do talk with your partner everyday. Having a dialogue every day about your fears, concerns, frustration, cute baby moments, etc. can bring flow to your communication and make it easier to talk about big decisions, rather than just talking when you have a problem. 
• Do say "no" to others. Balancing your marriage, being first time parents, and your job is overloading at times. So don't guilt yourself into taking on family or community responsibilities if you already feel overwhelmed. This will only make the adjustment to your new family feel harder.
• Do accept help. Being a first time parent means that you have a lot to learn, from yourself, your partner, and others. Don't expect perfection from you or your partner, and let go of any guilt you feel about taking a day or night off if a family member offers to help. Your baby will be just fine with someone else on watch and you'll be a more refreshed parent when you get back.

          

            When you're starting a new relationship, you look forward to first time experiences with your partner.  These are usually the first date, first kiss, first "I love you", first dance, etc. These are the sweet memories that bring a couple closer together and usually you experience them when you both are at your best. However, if you've been in a relationship for awhile, you know that there are also some not so "sweet" firsts. Although these firsts can be embarrassing or difficult when they happen, these relationship firsts are just as important in solidifying your bond with your partner. If you haven't experienced these firsts, then you soon will as your relationship progresses. And when you do experience them without running away, you can be sure that you're on your way towards a serious commitment. 
            1. First Crisis
This can be anything from losing your job, losing a family member, dealing with cheating, or being a victim of a crime. Your first crisis will truly challenge your relationship because you will need to openly communicate with your partner, but may not feel like you can. Your first crisis will also bring out how you and your partner handle stress. This is the point where serious decisions need to be made about resolving the crisis, what your partner and the relationship means to you, and the way you resolve this crisis will determine how you move forward in your relationship. 
            2. First Fart
Seemingly trivial and gross, but the first time you let loose in front of your partner will bring your relationship to another comfort level. Many of us have learned as children that this natural act of expulsion is not appropriate in front of company, but naturally your manners relax as you get comfortable in a relationship. And it gets harder to avoid the more you and your partner spend time together. But rest assured that you're more likely to induce a laugh from your partner than scorn.
            3. First Vomit
Along the same lines as your first fart, you or your partner's first vomit will open a new avenue in your relationship. Whether you're vomiting from a hangover or from the flu, this is not the most attractive side of you and you're exposing it all to your partner. It can really increase the intimacy in your relationship when your partner takes care of you while you're sick and loves you even after seeing you in your most unappealing state.
            4. First Joint Purchase 
Your first joint purchase as a couple can be a cat/dog, a decorative accent for your home, or even a vacation. Whatever it is, it will hold a lot of significance because it symbolizes your joint decision on something you both can enjoy. It also becomes part of your story as a couple.
            5. First Time Losing Your Cool
This is another side of you or your partner that neither of you have seen before, and the first time you get a glimpse can be pretty scary. Before you run off worrying whether you're dating Jekyll and Hyde, consider the circumstances of the situation. Would you be angry or lose your cool too? Everyone tries their best to hold it together, but sometimes your emotions take over in the situation. Talking about it afterwards will help your partner process his/her feelings and help you to understand your partner's emotional state that contributed to their outburst. 
           6. First Time He Sees You Without Make up
This can either be a girl or guy's worse nightmare. Seeing your girlfriend without her "made up face" can be shocking, but all guys survive. Letting your guy see you without your "made up face" can be scary, but all girls survive as well. What it comes down to is that you are baring the "au naturel" side of you with all your imperfections, and it's up to him to accept you as you are. 
           
            

            If there's one thing that I've seen over and over again in troubled relationships, I would have to say it is the fact that couples lose sight of each other as they tread through every day life. They become absorbed with other responsibilities and their priorities in the relationship start to shift into different directions. Conversations stay unfinished, time spent together gets pushed aside, or they start living parallel lives. Kids, family, work, and other community responsibilities may be an important aspect of your life, but at the top of the list should be your marriage. Your spouse may not be the easiest person to be around sometimes and other responsibilities may feel more pressing, but overall your partner should be the first priority in your relationship. 
           I will explain this further. Putting your partner first is about making his/her needs a priority over other responsibilities. So it looks something like this: you've given your kids a bath and put them to bed, but instead of hitting the sack yourself, you make time for your partner to chat/cuddle/etc. You arrive home from a long day of work, but instead of asking for dinner, you ask your partner if there's anything he/she needs help with. There's a big project at work that will require a lot of your time, so you discuss this with your partner to get his/her feelings about this and make a plan to accommodate this change. 
           Just as a caution, putting your partner first should not be misinterpreted as neglecting your children's needs or safety for the sake of your partner, because in these cases your children's care and safety are a priority. So please seek help if your partner contributes to an unsafe or neglectful home environment. So assuming that these two things are not an issue, consider the following points why putting your partner above other things is good for your relationship.

• If you have children, putting your partner first creates a loving, supportive, and secure environment for your children to grow up in. Children can often sense the emotional tension or connection between their parents, so how you love or show love towards your partner will translate either a positive or negative message to your children. 
  
• There's an underlying reason why your partner is falling down your priority list and it's your job to figure out why. Getting consumed in your work or children may be a sign that you are avoiding your partner. You are using your work or children to escape from issues you are having trouble resolving and this only makes the issues worse. Work and your children can only be a temporary escape from your issues with your partner and you will have a harder time confronting these issues the more you avoid them.
• It maintains a supportive, connected, and loving relationship through good and bad times. You will need your partner's support and strength more than anyone else's when life gets rough, and you will be more likely to work conflicts out between the both of you, when you have been putting your relationship first. 
• When it's all said and done, your children will move away from you and build their own life, just like you did once upon a time with your partner. If you haven't been putting your partner first throughout the time you've been raising your children, then you may find yourself living with a stranger after your children have moved out. And unfortunately, all of the issues/feelings you have been avoiding all those years will still be there.

           An essential part of this equation is your partner, so if you've been doing this and your partner isn't, I would encourage you to both to have a conversation about this. Or share this post with him/her. It's never too late to make a change in your relationship.

               Whether you dated for years or a year before getting married, that first year of marriage is typically rough for most couples. It's really due to that mental transition you make from dating to being married. Some people say the first year is magical and others say that it's awful. Either way your relationship will go through some growing pains, because that's exactly what is happening. As a married couple, you are now weaving your lives together and growing as one. 
              There are some common newly wed problems in the first year of marriage so rest assured that others have survived and you will also survive if you are experiencing them. Of course it's always good to talk about potential issues before you get married so you both know what you are marrying into. However, the reality is that you may still run into these issues. Talking about the issues allows you to know what you're getting into, but marriage is about diving into these  issues. Talking may no longer suffice because it's now about finding a solution and taking action.
             1) Financial Problems: This is rather general because it can mean many things depending on your financial situation. But no matter what, money issues typically creep up as a hurdle for couples in the first year of marriage. Whether it's about how you spend money or discrepancies between how much you make and what bills you are responsible for, money can take a toll in the first year. In the past, your spending habits probably felt separate from each other, but now that you're married, your partner's spending habits are your business. It may be good or bad, but this information impacts your relationship. Overcoming the financial hurdle is about being able to combine your financial priorities (ie. bills, savings) while respecting your partner's free will to spend their hard earned money. 
             2) Time Together Problems: While you were dating, your time spent together was usually scheduled. You'd make dinner or vacation plans together, and afterwards retreat to your own routine. This changes drastically when you get married and live together. Your time spent together might be in your living room, your bedroom, or backyard. (Not very romantic right?) And sometimes, this time spent together doesn't feel rewarding or invigorating as it did when you were dating. This can create a lot more silence in your relationship and leave you feeling alone or ignored.  Overcoming this problem is about finding a new routine and ritual for your relationship where you both can give your undivided attention. 
              Decision Making Problems: Deciding where to eat, what movie to see, or when your next vacation may be are small decisions in comparison to some of the decisions you will be making as a married couple. Some of these large scale decisions may not happen in your first year, but you will surely have a taste of it in your first year. The decision making problem couples usually face in their first year is whether to consult with their spouse or not. It would be easy if there were a cookie cutter recipe that lays out these situations, but there isn't. Overcoming this problem is about knowing your spouse, paying attention to their decision making process, apologizing and forgiving each other when mistakes are made. 
              Don't get me wrong, the first year of marriage is also full of discoveries, new memories, and has its special "firsts". It's not completely doom and gloom, but it is a very important year. Mainly because it sets a foundation for your marriage. Persevering, communicating, and holding onto the reasons you married your spouse will help you get through the tough times in your first year.  The more issues you resolve in this year, the stronger your foundation becomes.