Arguing is a normal part of being in a relationship. However, how you argue can deeply affect your partner and your relationship. The way you argue in your relationship can either enhance or destroy your relationship. Although there isn't an equation for what is the "right" way to argue, there are certain behaviors that you may want to avoid engaging in during an argument with your partner. Watching out for the following behaviors may help you to fight more fairly and of course, get you what you want.
1. Name Calling.
If you heard someone calling your son/daughter or close friend a name, how would you react? Most likely, it would not sit very well with you and most likely your son/daughter or close friend would feel hurt by the name calling. Needless to say, it's an unhealthy way of expressing yourself towards your partner during an argument. What is considered "name calling" can mean something different to everyone, but for clarity sake, anything that your partner feels is insulting should be considered "name calling". Even if it is a cute pet name, used in a teasing manner during an argument can have a negative impact on the relationship. For those who have name called during a heated argument, it is your responsibility to keep awareness of yourself during a heated exchange in order to stop before the name calling starts.
2. Using Hostile Humor, Sarcasm, or Mockery
These are all equally detrimental to your relationship. It belittles your partner and sends the message of your superiority. If you've ever encountered a boss or co-worker who engaged in any of these behaviors, most likely you did not like their condescending tone. That is exactly why using hostile humor, sarcasm, or mockery is so dangerous to your relationship. It condescends your partner and disrespects them as your equal.
3. Using Negative Body Language
This includes sneering, rolling your eyes, hitting, or curling your lip at your partner. Again these behaviors convey disrespect and disgust towards your partner. Engaging in any of these behaviors make it more difficult to resolve your conflict because your partner will likely be defending him/herself rather than compromising.
It is unfair to use your partner as an emotional punching bag, which is what happens when you engage in any of the behaviors above. Engaging in any of these behaviors can have a negative impact on your relationship, but engaging in all three of these behaviors is an indicator that there is a more serious issue between you and your partner. While it's unrealistic that you argue perfectly without being sarcastic or name calling, it's very important that you catch yourself when you do this. In order to prevent it from becoming a lasting pattern and turning into contempt, you need to take responsibility for these behaviors and work on its remedy: showing fondness/admiration towards your partner.
1. Name Calling.
If you heard someone calling your son/daughter or close friend a name, how would you react? Most likely, it would not sit very well with you and most likely your son/daughter or close friend would feel hurt by the name calling. Needless to say, it's an unhealthy way of expressing yourself towards your partner during an argument. What is considered "name calling" can mean something different to everyone, but for clarity sake, anything that your partner feels is insulting should be considered "name calling". Even if it is a cute pet name, used in a teasing manner during an argument can have a negative impact on the relationship. For those who have name called during a heated argument, it is your responsibility to keep awareness of yourself during a heated exchange in order to stop before the name calling starts.
2. Using Hostile Humor, Sarcasm, or Mockery
These are all equally detrimental to your relationship. It belittles your partner and sends the message of your superiority. If you've ever encountered a boss or co-worker who engaged in any of these behaviors, most likely you did not like their condescending tone. That is exactly why using hostile humor, sarcasm, or mockery is so dangerous to your relationship. It condescends your partner and disrespects them as your equal.
3. Using Negative Body Language
This includes sneering, rolling your eyes, hitting, or curling your lip at your partner. Again these behaviors convey disrespect and disgust towards your partner. Engaging in any of these behaviors make it more difficult to resolve your conflict because your partner will likely be defending him/herself rather than compromising.
It is unfair to use your partner as an emotional punching bag, which is what happens when you engage in any of the behaviors above. Engaging in any of these behaviors can have a negative impact on your relationship, but engaging in all three of these behaviors is an indicator that there is a more serious issue between you and your partner. While it's unrealistic that you argue perfectly without being sarcastic or name calling, it's very important that you catch yourself when you do this. In order to prevent it from becoming a lasting pattern and turning into contempt, you need to take responsibility for these behaviors and work on its remedy: showing fondness/admiration towards your partner.
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