The 2nd horseman that can lead down the path of destruction in your relationship is contempt. Think back to your most recent argument with your partner. If you heard an exchange of insults or sarcastic mockery, then there was contempt in your argument.
You are in contempt if you are using name calling, insults, sarcasm, or eye rolling when you argue with your partner. People who engage in contempt are often talking down to their partner, express superiority, and take a position of "better than thou". Contempt usually follows criticism and it is even more destructive to your relationship. Contempt attacks your partner's sense of self. It breeds more resentment and hostility in the relationship. It conveys disrespect and makes it even more difficult to resolve problems.
What to do:
when there is contempt in a relationship, this usually indicates that resentment has already built a nest in the relationship. Unlike criticism, the best remedy for contempt is recognizing it in yourself, acknowledging the harmfulness of this behavior, and letting go of anger which fuels the contempt. If your partner is the one who expresses contempt, this is much more difficult to remedy. But there is hope. Your partner and you can practice taking a time out or cooling off when things are getting heated in an argument before the insults are delivered. Of course, you could also seek professional counseling.
You are in contempt if you are using name calling, insults, sarcasm, or eye rolling when you argue with your partner. People who engage in contempt are often talking down to their partner, express superiority, and take a position of "better than thou". Contempt usually follows criticism and it is even more destructive to your relationship. Contempt attacks your partner's sense of self. It breeds more resentment and hostility in the relationship. It conveys disrespect and makes it even more difficult to resolve problems.
What to do:
when there is contempt in a relationship, this usually indicates that resentment has already built a nest in the relationship. Unlike criticism, the best remedy for contempt is recognizing it in yourself, acknowledging the harmfulness of this behavior, and letting go of anger which fuels the contempt. If your partner is the one who expresses contempt, this is much more difficult to remedy. But there is hope. Your partner and you can practice taking a time out or cooling off when things are getting heated in an argument before the insults are delivered. Of course, you could also seek professional counseling.
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