"I feel so alone even when we're in the same room". "I've tried talking to him, but he just won't let me in". "She has stopped talking to me and I don't even know why". "I don't know if I love him anymore". These are just some of the things you may be saying to yourself if you have been emotionally abandoned by your partner. In last week's blog, I shared what emotional abandonment was and some reasons it occurs in relationships. So today let's focus on what you can do if you have been emotionally abandoned by your partner.
Drop the blame. The first thing you must acknowledge is that it's not helpful to blame your partner or yourself for the emotional withdrawal that's happened in the relationship. Couples often get stuck in the blame game of who did what to cause the problems that arise in a relationship. This is a battle that yields zero winners. Instead of assigning blame, it's more important to engage in a cooperative stance and work with your partner to address the emotional abandonment.
Self-Reflect. If you have been emotionally abandoned, you may feel like the victim here. Don't go down that road. Victimizing yourself only contributes to blaming your partner, feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and conveys that you are closed off to solutions. You need to self-reflect in order to ask yourself: what have I done to drive my spouse away? Taking ownership of your unintentional contribution to the problem will allow your spouse to open up to you and work towards a solution.
Start the conversation. Having a dialogue with your spouse is a step towards closing that emotional gap between you. Think about the issues you want to bring up before starting the conversation and stay away from lecturing your partner. Without accusing or blaming your partner, make time to start the conversation about the problems that exist between you. You don't need to say "I feel emotionally abandoned by you" because this may convey that it's your partner's job to change or fix the problem.
Work on meeting your partner's needs. Many times what I hear from partners who have been emotionally abandoned is that they have given up and are just going to focus on taking care of themself (or their children, if there are any). This feels like the right thing to do for yourself, but it's not the best thing to do for your relationship. If you intend to work on the relationship, you should work on meeting your partner's needs. This includes listening to your partner, figuring out what your partner needs from you (whether it's praise, support, help around the house, etc), and making a daily effort to meet your partner's needs. This is a piece of the overall solution.
Emotional abandonment is not an easy thing to deal with on your own, so It's also very important to seek support from individuals that you can trust. You can also seek professional help from a marriage therapist or clergy if you cannot work through it on your own. Emotional abandonment doesn't have to be the norm in your relationship or the end/death of your relationship, if you still want the relationship to be re-vived. However it takes a long commitment to find a solution and close the gap that it has created in your relationship.
Drop the blame. The first thing you must acknowledge is that it's not helpful to blame your partner or yourself for the emotional withdrawal that's happened in the relationship. Couples often get stuck in the blame game of who did what to cause the problems that arise in a relationship. This is a battle that yields zero winners. Instead of assigning blame, it's more important to engage in a cooperative stance and work with your partner to address the emotional abandonment.
Self-Reflect. If you have been emotionally abandoned, you may feel like the victim here. Don't go down that road. Victimizing yourself only contributes to blaming your partner, feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and conveys that you are closed off to solutions. You need to self-reflect in order to ask yourself: what have I done to drive my spouse away? Taking ownership of your unintentional contribution to the problem will allow your spouse to open up to you and work towards a solution.
Start the conversation. Having a dialogue with your spouse is a step towards closing that emotional gap between you. Think about the issues you want to bring up before starting the conversation and stay away from lecturing your partner. Without accusing or blaming your partner, make time to start the conversation about the problems that exist between you. You don't need to say "I feel emotionally abandoned by you" because this may convey that it's your partner's job to change or fix the problem.
Work on meeting your partner's needs. Many times what I hear from partners who have been emotionally abandoned is that they have given up and are just going to focus on taking care of themself (or their children, if there are any). This feels like the right thing to do for yourself, but it's not the best thing to do for your relationship. If you intend to work on the relationship, you should work on meeting your partner's needs. This includes listening to your partner, figuring out what your partner needs from you (whether it's praise, support, help around the house, etc), and making a daily effort to meet your partner's needs. This is a piece of the overall solution.
Emotional abandonment is not an easy thing to deal with on your own, so It's also very important to seek support from individuals that you can trust. You can also seek professional help from a marriage therapist or clergy if you cannot work through it on your own. Emotional abandonment doesn't have to be the norm in your relationship or the end/death of your relationship, if you still want the relationship to be re-vived. However it takes a long commitment to find a solution and close the gap that it has created in your relationship.
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