The new year can bring on many goals for a new start, and one of these things might include your relationship. Feeling stuck or stagnate in a relationship is normal and very common. It's never the deciding factor for the relationship, but it does suggest that a change may be on the horizon. I don't ever encourage couples to break up or stay together against their wishes, and I never recommend whether a couple should stay together or break up either. This is a very personal choice. However, I do encourage reflecting on your relationship with the right questions in mind in order to decide whether you want to stick with your relationship through the long haul.
1. How do we communicate? Yes, communication is always a predictor of relationship longevity. However it's not necessarily about having verbal communication or long romantic talks, because many couples stay together a very long time even without much talking. In this question, focus on how things are communicated. If things are communicated after the fact, without regard to your feelings, or in a passive aggressive way, then these are signs that you or your partner may not be entirely honest about your true intentions. This makes it more difficult in the long run to communicate honestly and openly about issues that may come up.
2. How do we make up? Conflict does not progress a relationship unless there is healthy reconciliation afterwards. So take a look at how you resolve things. If things are quietly forgotten, one person always assumes responsibility, or anger simmers slowly, then these are signs that you are engaging in a cycle of unhealthy conflict resolution. Conflict will continue to recycle in this way and negatively impact the relationship in the long term.
3. What life goals do we share? Perhaps you're not ready to marry your partner at this time. No worries. This question still applies. Your life goals do not necessarily have to be about marriage, the future, or existential in nature at this point. But sharing life goals does signify having good compatibility in a relationship and it's more likely that having some similar life goals will help your relationship stay on the same path. The more your life goals differ, the more tension there will be.
4. What kind of family support do we have? Again, it's not so important that your family loves your partner but it is important that you both still remain strongly supported by your families. (Family can also refer to close friends, whom you consider family). Yes, this is confusing. So look at it this way. Even if your family doesn't love or adore your partner, if they are committed to you then they will accept your relationship. Same goes for your partner. However, if you do not have family support or will be sacrificing family support because of this relationship, it will be that much harder for you. Especially because you will have times when you need to depend on someone other than your partner. Unfortunately your relationship will take a hard blow if there aren't others by your side.
If there were a crystal ball that could tell us which relationships to stick with and which ones to run from, then we would have less heartache. We would also have less spontaneity and self discovery. So I believe it's not necessarily about knowing whether this is the right relationship or not. Rather it's about knowing ourselves well enough to make that call. As you embark on this year, I hope you will find a renewed commitment to your relationship or the strength to let it go.
1. How do we communicate? Yes, communication is always a predictor of relationship longevity. However it's not necessarily about having verbal communication or long romantic talks, because many couples stay together a very long time even without much talking. In this question, focus on how things are communicated. If things are communicated after the fact, without regard to your feelings, or in a passive aggressive way, then these are signs that you or your partner may not be entirely honest about your true intentions. This makes it more difficult in the long run to communicate honestly and openly about issues that may come up.
2. How do we make up? Conflict does not progress a relationship unless there is healthy reconciliation afterwards. So take a look at how you resolve things. If things are quietly forgotten, one person always assumes responsibility, or anger simmers slowly, then these are signs that you are engaging in a cycle of unhealthy conflict resolution. Conflict will continue to recycle in this way and negatively impact the relationship in the long term.
3. What life goals do we share? Perhaps you're not ready to marry your partner at this time. No worries. This question still applies. Your life goals do not necessarily have to be about marriage, the future, or existential in nature at this point. But sharing life goals does signify having good compatibility in a relationship and it's more likely that having some similar life goals will help your relationship stay on the same path. The more your life goals differ, the more tension there will be.
4. What kind of family support do we have? Again, it's not so important that your family loves your partner but it is important that you both still remain strongly supported by your families. (Family can also refer to close friends, whom you consider family). Yes, this is confusing. So look at it this way. Even if your family doesn't love or adore your partner, if they are committed to you then they will accept your relationship. Same goes for your partner. However, if you do not have family support or will be sacrificing family support because of this relationship, it will be that much harder for you. Especially because you will have times when you need to depend on someone other than your partner. Unfortunately your relationship will take a hard blow if there aren't others by your side.
If there were a crystal ball that could tell us which relationships to stick with and which ones to run from, then we would have less heartache. We would also have less spontaneity and self discovery. So I believe it's not necessarily about knowing whether this is the right relationship or not. Rather it's about knowing ourselves well enough to make that call. As you embark on this year, I hope you will find a renewed commitment to your relationship or the strength to let it go.
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