That awkward moment when you're learning about sex in school from an old outdated video. Many of us have had this experience and it didn't help to prepare us to talk about this topic in any future situations. Although there is so much more sexual content/suggestions on television and magazines these days compared to 20 years ago, this has not made it any easier to actually talk about sex. It's still very much something you do rather than talk about. So you may not be surprised to hear that 49% of adults report they have trouble talking to their spouse about sex and only 38% report they feel satisfied with their sex life. Pretty dull numbers right? So here I am to the rescue, guaranteed to make your sex life 100% better. No, I'm really not going to do that but I will give you one very important tip to help you talk about sex with your partner. Ready, here it is: get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
What do I mean by this? Simply put, sex talk is going to be uncomfortable for different reasons, but if you can get through it, then you've made the next conversation about it available. Talking about sex will feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons and differ for each individual. Your comfort level may also differ depending on what you're talking about. Maybe you get to the point where you feel comfortable talking about your fantasies, but get really uncomfortable when your partner brings up theirs. If you allow yourself to settle only in being comfortable and avoid talking when it feels uncomfortable, then you close yourself up to many possibilities.
Another point to remember is that talking about sex does have pre-requisites. If you are having communication problems in other areas, you should focus on improving your dialogue there before talking about sex. A subject as intimate as sex may be too sensitive or risky to discuss if communication is a problem. If you don't know what you want for your sex life to improve, then don't bring it up yet. Whether it's to share sexual fantasies or share what feels good sexually to you, get this in order first. Your partner will understand your sexual needs better if you already know what they are. If you feel guilty about giving your partner feedback, then don't talk about sex until you can get rid of that guilt. The reality is that sex is partly about pleasing your partner and partly about pleasing yourself. And you should not feel guilty for the latter. If you're not enjoying the party, both you and your partner are missing out on half of the fun.
Last but not least, the best way to make anything awkward into something less awkward is humor. If you can find a way to laugh or take things lightheartedly when you talk about sex, the conversation also becomes less uncomfortable. But I make no promises or guarantees about this topic. This is a big communication mountain to conquer, so you do it at your own risk. When you do, you will also find that you reap all of the benefits.
What do I mean by this? Simply put, sex talk is going to be uncomfortable for different reasons, but if you can get through it, then you've made the next conversation about it available. Talking about sex will feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons and differ for each individual. Your comfort level may also differ depending on what you're talking about. Maybe you get to the point where you feel comfortable talking about your fantasies, but get really uncomfortable when your partner brings up theirs. If you allow yourself to settle only in being comfortable and avoid talking when it feels uncomfortable, then you close yourself up to many possibilities.
Another point to remember is that talking about sex does have pre-requisites. If you are having communication problems in other areas, you should focus on improving your dialogue there before talking about sex. A subject as intimate as sex may be too sensitive or risky to discuss if communication is a problem. If you don't know what you want for your sex life to improve, then don't bring it up yet. Whether it's to share sexual fantasies or share what feels good sexually to you, get this in order first. Your partner will understand your sexual needs better if you already know what they are. If you feel guilty about giving your partner feedback, then don't talk about sex until you can get rid of that guilt. The reality is that sex is partly about pleasing your partner and partly about pleasing yourself. And you should not feel guilty for the latter. If you're not enjoying the party, both you and your partner are missing out on half of the fun.
Last but not least, the best way to make anything awkward into something less awkward is humor. If you can find a way to laugh or take things lightheartedly when you talk about sex, the conversation also becomes less uncomfortable. But I make no promises or guarantees about this topic. This is a big communication mountain to conquer, so you do it at your own risk. When you do, you will also find that you reap all of the benefits.
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