Some thoughts about the new movement back towards celibacy in relationships. My first thought was that this is an old tradition. And my second thought was that it's about time. Celibacy is no longer just for priests and nuns. It can benefit anyone who is wanting to build intimacy in their relationship. So let's bust the myth right now. Sex is not intimacy. Sex can be an expression of the love two people feel for each other in the relationship, but it can also be quite meaningless, aka booty call. So throw that out the door. Well, then you might wonder: how can celibacy build intimacy? Let's explore that together.
We live in a hypersexual society where sex sells and it's really not a big deal anymore. This concept is bad news for relationships because it can influence people to invest in a relationship for the sexual benefits rather than the emotional benefits of a relationship. Sex also tends to warp your perception of connection in a relationship, making you overlook bad aspects of the relationship in order to keep that person around. Only to find that in the end, without the sex, the relationship was not worth your investment. Celibacy can be one way to keep yourself objective and build the foundation of your relationship based on trust, shared values, common interests, and emotional support. All things leading to intimacy in a relationship. And when you find that you still feel emotionally connected with your partner without sex in the picture, that'll make for a longer lasting relationship. The reality is that a long term relationship will have times where sex is not part of the picture, i.e if there's a lot travel in your work or after the birth of a child. So it's important to have someone around who connects with you in other ways than sex.
Practicing celibacy in your relationship should start with you. Decide what the purpose is for you, whether if it's to weed out partners who only want sex or if it's to find deeper meaning in your relationship. Then decide how long you will be celibate. And I would recommend at least 30 days or more after you're officially a couple, not just 30 days after the first date. You might not be exclusive after the first date, so make sure the clock starts after you both are exclusive.
The great thing is that celibacy is not a permanent decision. Your choice to be celibate is to reach your purpose before you will engage in sex, so it's very important to stick with it. Be honest with your partner about why you're waiting and for how long. Truly, if they respect your decision and stick around then there's a higher possibility that the relationship will be built on substance rather than a facade of closeness.
We live in a hypersexual society where sex sells and it's really not a big deal anymore. This concept is bad news for relationships because it can influence people to invest in a relationship for the sexual benefits rather than the emotional benefits of a relationship. Sex also tends to warp your perception of connection in a relationship, making you overlook bad aspects of the relationship in order to keep that person around. Only to find that in the end, without the sex, the relationship was not worth your investment. Celibacy can be one way to keep yourself objective and build the foundation of your relationship based on trust, shared values, common interests, and emotional support. All things leading to intimacy in a relationship. And when you find that you still feel emotionally connected with your partner without sex in the picture, that'll make for a longer lasting relationship. The reality is that a long term relationship will have times where sex is not part of the picture, i.e if there's a lot travel in your work or after the birth of a child. So it's important to have someone around who connects with you in other ways than sex.
Practicing celibacy in your relationship should start with you. Decide what the purpose is for you, whether if it's to weed out partners who only want sex or if it's to find deeper meaning in your relationship. Then decide how long you will be celibate. And I would recommend at least 30 days or more after you're officially a couple, not just 30 days after the first date. You might not be exclusive after the first date, so make sure the clock starts after you both are exclusive.
The great thing is that celibacy is not a permanent decision. Your choice to be celibate is to reach your purpose before you will engage in sex, so it's very important to stick with it. Be honest with your partner about why you're waiting and for how long. Truly, if they respect your decision and stick around then there's a higher possibility that the relationship will be built on substance rather than a facade of closeness.
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