Why Do People Get Married?

           I often wonder why the couples that I see in therapy chose to marry each other. Questions about how they met, what interested them about their spouse, and what their love story is tells me a lot about a couple. Most importantly is why they got married. This tells me the conditions that brought the couple together and gives me a picture of what the relationship looked like during better times. Why a couple chose to get married also tells me what their convictions are about their marriage. This is an essential piece of information. Unfortunately, what I do discover is that they have few convictions about marriage but many expectations. 
           So what are healthy convictions to have about marriage? I can’t say what works for me will work for anyone else, but the most important thing is to know what you believe in. Sounds simple, but trust me many people do not have a strong belief in their marriage. They may have ideals to strive for, such as treating each other with respect or living happily ever after, but their conviction about their marriage can easily be shaken by outside pressures. And soon it becomes hard to implement their conviction through action. The reason I say that many people do not know their convictions is because I see many couples who want one thing but contradict this with their actions. For example, they may want their spouse to be more sensitive to their emotions but rather than expressing emotions they expect their spouse to “know” what they are feeling. Or they may want their spouse to support their new endeavors, but they discourage their spouse to take risks.          
            Your convictions about your marriage should drive your actions. So if you believe that marriage is a partnership, then you treat your spouse like your co-pilot. Now if your convictions end up tearing apart your marriage or relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate whether they are worth holding onto to. Why you got married is just as important on the day you got married as it is every day past that.  This is an important question to reflect on throughout your marriage.
          At the end of the day, some marriages fall apart while many more are just getting started. So there must be a reason why so many people have not given up on marriage. The reality is that our most cherished memories are usually when we are with someone, not when we are alone. So naturally we will gravitate towards finding someone to create future memories with. That's what marriage is about.